


Eggsy and the Witches

by Fabrisse



Series: Rebuilding the Table [7]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Morgana (Translation and Analysis), The Lady (Logistics and Quartermaster), The Witches - Freeform, Vivienne (Research and Development)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 17:30:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20178064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fabrisse/pseuds/Fabrisse
Summary: The candidates are assigned to the various departments on rotation.  Each witch takes a moment to fill Merlin in on Eggsy's progress.





	Eggsy and the Witches

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FrenchKey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrenchKey/gifts).

Vivienne tapped Merlin on the shoulder. “You know you have an office boss. With the children gone,” she nodded toward the dormitory for the Lancelot group, “you should visit it.”

Merlin blinked a couple of times and said, “I probably should. I just get into the habit…”

She smiled at him and said, “Paul’s been sent somewhere, but I don’t think you need to monitor him. The candidates are gone. Let me stand you a drink tonight -- anywhere but here -- remind us both there’s a great big world.”

Merlin checked the date and said, “Are you up for jazz? Tierney Sutton’s at Ronnie Scotts tonight.” 

“Sounds perfect.”

“Too perfect, lass. Just promise the problems don’t get discussed until after my first whisky.” 

Vivienne grinned at him. “Promise, boss.”

***   
They’d both had the rack of lamb for dinner and shared a bottle of wine rather than have hard liquor. The table was now cleared, and it was going to be nearly an hour before the second set began. 

Once the cheese plate they’d elected to share had arrived, Merlin leaned back and said, “I’m ready. What are the problems?

”I think Piers might be all right in my area, but from the ratings I’ve seen, you’re leaning toward Fiona’s?”

“Unless he seriously blots his copybook at some point, yes, his aptitude tests imply a really excellent analytical ability.”

Vivienne nodded. “That comports with my findings. He’s excellent at QA, and that’s very much analysis.”

“Don’t tell me, Digby’s pursuing every girl in the department.”

She just nodded. “I don’t think I realized how arrogant someone could be while on the pull.”

“Has he pulled that you know of?”

“Are you kidding? The women in my department are barely speaking civilly to him at this point.”

Merlin sighed. “Yes, he’s not exactly subtle -- at anything. So that just leaves Eggsy as the issue.”

“Really, boss, if it were a serious issue, I’d report it at work. No, this is more of an anecdote than anything else.”

“Don’t tell me _he’s_ been making a nuisance of himself with the people in your department.”

“Not at all,” Vivienne said. “Most of my department think he’s wonderful. He’s not arrogant and mucks in with whatever he’s asked to do.”

“All right, then.”

“So, yesterday, just before closing, Eggsy knocked on my office door…”

***   
“Vivienne? Do you have a minute?”

“Of course, Eggsy, do you? Isn’t it around dinner?”

“Merlin’s got us grabbing our own in the cafeteria tonight. I wonder if he’s busy or about to send us off somewhere.”

_(Merlin said, “I must be getting predictable.” “Or Eggsy’s just that smart.”)_

“Well, then.” She motioned to a chair and saw him hesitate. “Eggsy, are you about to proposition me? I mean I know it’s the seduction…”

He interrupted before Vivienne could finish the sentence. “No, love, I mean Vivienne. Anyone can see you got someone keepin’ you happy at home. Not sayin’ he’s not a lucky bloke,” Eggsy thought for a moment before continuing, “Or she’s not a lucky bird, but I know to leave good relationships alone.”

“I don’t wear a wedding ring.”

“Didn’t say you was married, just that you’s in a long term relationship.”

Vivienne looked at him skeptically.

“‘M serious. You practically glow when you get here in the mornin’ an’ you often look very happy right after lunch so your partner prolly works for Kingsman, too.”

Vivienne blushed at his assessment. “Yes, my husband does work for Kingsman.”

Eggsy gave her a satisfied little nod. “Thought so.”

“So now that I’ve totally embarrassed myself by thinking someone so young was making a play for me…”

“You’re well fit, Vivienne. If you weren’t married -- an’ after you was done bein’ my guvnor -- I’d likely’ve asked.”

Her jaw dropped for a moment before she recovered herself.

Eggsy seemed not to notice her being flustered and said, “That new car that’s bein’ tested. Has it really been put through its paces? ‘Cause watchin’ it today, somethin’ seemed off. Might be able to tell what if I drove it, but don’t expect ya t’ allow that. But I think it needs to be studied deeper. From the paperwork I’ve seen, it ain’t been over the rally course or even done the vehicle obstacle course at top speed, yet.”

“Weren’t you top of your cohort for driving?”

Eggsy nodded. “Most o’ that was just speed.”

“Tell you what, I’ll ask Merlin what he thinks the next time I see him. I appreciate your bringing it to my attention, Eggsy.”

“Not a problem, guv.”

He closed the door after himself quietly.

***   
Merlin was grinning. “If you’re asking me whether you should have him test the car, my answer is a resounding yes. I don’t think there’s anything he can’t drive well.”

“Then, I’ll have him do it Monday. That is, if you expect the candidates back by then.”

“Yes, they should all be in place by tomorrow morning. I expect the first ones back by tomorrow evening. Eggsy has until Sunday noon to get back.”

“Perfect.”

“Just one question.”

“Yes, boss?”

“Do you think young Eggsy might have been wanting to proposition you?”

Vivienne took a moment to think. “It’s possible, but he didn’t come out glib or over-rehearsed with his denial. He seemed genuinely surprised. Maybe he’s that good an actor, but he comes across as completely genuine to me.”

“To me as well, lass. Arthur was worried I might be favoring him because he’s attractive, so I wanted to get the full details.”

The lights started to dim. Vivienne tapped Merlin’s hand and said, “Told you it was just an anecdote.”

***   
One month later, after the candidates had all switched departments, Morgana joined him for breakfast. 

Once the candidates got to this point Merlin held formal dinners twice a week, they had family-style dinner without him the other evenings, and he left them to the cafeteria for other meals. Breakfast was provided after their morning run, but Merlin no longer ate it with them. He was relatively certain they wouldn’t devolve into a food fight. He hoped.

Instead, the breakfast room was reserved for Merlin, and people knew they could find him there after he’d packed the candidates off on their morning runs. 

Morgana was in her sixth month, Merlin thought. She was definitely bigger than she had been, but didn’t yet look like she was a football smuggler. She also looked very content. 

“Is Dennis ready for the next one?”

“Are you ready for the next one, Merlin?” Fiona’s Yorkshire accent was soothing. “I’ll be taking three months leave after the baby arrives and probably a month beforehand. Frankly, by that point no method of transportation is particularly comfortable. Maybe hot air balloon.”

“For you, Fiona, we’d arrange it. Will you still be accessible in case of emergency?”

She gave Merlin a long look and filled her plate with black pudding, tomatoes, mushrooms, and fried bread. “If you call me for anything less than the world ending, we’ll be having words you and me.” Fiona moaned as she took her first bite. “Can’t stand blood pudding most of the time, but I’ve craved it every single pregnancy.”

“If my memory serves me, you were off tomatoes with the last one.”

“Based on past experience, this will be a girl. Both boys have put me right off tomatoes for the duration. This little one craves apples, too.”

Merlin chuckled. “So, are you just wanting breakfast?”

“No, I wanted to give you an update on my candidates.”

Merlin said, “Let me guess, Digby’s a problem?”

Fiona took another bite of her breakfast and sighed. “I’ll get to him in a moment. You asked me to judge Piers as an analyst and in the week he’s been with us, he’s been very good. Apparently, he has Tagalog as well as Spanish -- though I’ve been informed by our other Spanish speakers that he speaks the equivalent of Eton French. Doesn’t hurt his fluency for reading and writing, but he won’t pass for native. 

“Paolo gave him a test on Portuguese -- apparently, if you speak Portuguese, it’s easy to learn Spanish, but the other way is more of a challenge -- and Piers was picking it up very quickly.”

Merlin perked up. “So he has a future in your area?”

“Absolutely. Unlike Digby. If you even _think_ of offering him something in my area, I’ll short sheet your bed and put a virus on your computer.”

“He managed to put Vivienne thoroughly out of sorts as well. I have to ask, is he as bad as Charlie?”

“Well, unlike Charlie, he’s not claiming command of a language he only has a smattering of, but Charlie was less overt about trying to get the women of my department interested. I don’t mean he was tactful, but he didn’t have the ‘God thinks he’s me’ attitude that Digby has.”

“Unless he does something really terrible, I can’t wash him out. But when it comes time to review his performance in your department, I’ll read him the riot act. I already had to once when he was with Vivienne.”

Fiona nodded and leaned back in her chair. “That just leaves Eggsy. He passed the Esperanto test quite well. Piers was a bit better, but Eggsy’s currently second overall. Once I’ve had a chance with the other three, I’ll know the final standings, but I’d be surprised if Piers doesn’t hold the top spot -- and I doubt Eggsy will drop below third.”

“That’s wonderful. Is he making a nuisance of himself like Digby, trying to pull anyone who stands still long enough?”

“I suspect he may have had a discreet tryst or two, but that’s more because the ladies have been very warm toward him.” Her lips twitched like she was trying not to laugh.

“Out with it. Lord knows, I could use a laugh after hearing Digby’s review.”

“I stayed a little late last night, and Eggsy came to see me. He made certain that his lack of a foreign language wasn’t causing any troubles for the department and then,” Fiona started to giggle. “And then, he asked if I knew about the seduction module -- he assumed the answer was yes, but didn’t take it for granted. He made it quite clear that he knew I wasn’t available and that he wasn’t trying it on with me, which after Charlie…”

Merlin’s head snapped up from where he’d been buttering his toast. “Really? I hadn’t heard about that.”

“I’d’ve mentioned it when we got to the final assessment next month. I just put him in his place hard enough to bounce. I’m surprised he didn’t complain about me.”

“He did, but it was about what I was expecting. Charlie was certain he could run your department better than you, and I know what to think of that.”

“Glad to hear it, chook.”

“So, Eggsy?”

“The boy blushed, but he didn’t stammer or make excuses. How did he phrase it?” She took a minute to fix the memory, then said, “‘We’ve done with the lectures, but I noticed they didn’t mention nothin’ ‘bout pregnant women. Some of the neighborhood girls who were in the club said that bein’ pregnant made them really lusty.’”

Merlin burst into laughter. “Lusty?”

“I know. The poor chook probably thought about his wording for a very long time before coming to talk to me. I think he was genuinely interested to know what the differences might be when a woman’s pregnant. I told him that he was right, but it wasn’t every woman, and it was generally in the second trimester. He thanked me and started to go, but I told him, truthfully, that I wasn’t leaving for an hour and that he had a one time offer to ask whatever he wanted about sex and pregnant women.”

“Did he take you up on it?”

“He did. The questions were thoughtful and respectful in spite of being intimate. For lack of a better phrase, he kept it academic.”

“If I had to put him in your department, if he washed out as a candidate, do you think it would be an issue.”

Fiona smiled. “I really don’t. Since he doesn’t speak a foreign language, I’d be surprised if you put him with me rather than Vivienne or the Lady, but I’d welcome someone with natural talent who mucks in to do what’s needed. He seems very willing to learn.”

Merlin nodded. “So, do you want me to talk to Digby before the review?”

“Nay. The lad’s not worth it. Talking to him now might just make him feel special. Do you think Piers is going to make it to top three?”

“No. If he’d been in the Erec cohort that ended well before you joined us, I’d have been turning cartwheels with joy. In this group, though, he’s just at the middle of the pack.”

“In that case, I’ll talk to my Spanish speakers and analysts and see what we can offer him when the time comes.” She started to get up from her chair.

“Fiona, should I review your chat with Eggsy before he goes to his last assignment?”

“No. I have no problem with his asking or how he asked. The poor chook seems to be very good at keeping counsel -- other people’s, not just his own. What you do need to review is your seduction lectures. Eggsy’s right, the reactions of pregnant women can be different, and I’d rather one of the pushy ones didn’t try to ask me.”

“Yes, I dislike having to put arnica on their egos.”

Fiona laughed and finally got up. “Good to see you, Merlin.”

“And you, Morgana.”

***  
Merlin could hear the tap of the Lady’s cane as she came down the hall. He glanced at her and indicated his office with a tilt of his head. It took a couple of minutes for him to wrap up what he was doing and in that time tea and ginger snaps had been ordered. He took them in himself, and found the Lady reading one of the knights after action reports. 

When she looked up, he raised an eyebrow.

“It’s Tristan’s, Merlin. It looks like we may need to create a cache in New Guinea. Things seem to be hopping.”

Merlin said, “I’ll leave it to you. Just let me know if I have to justify an addendum to the budget before I meet with Arthur.”

“I shall.”

He poured the tea and said, “What’s up?”

“Fiona and I want to move young Eggsy back to her area for a translation project.”

“Translation? Eggsy? He’s just learned the basics of Esperanto.”

The Lady smiled. “Estuary slang to queen’s English.”

Merlin relaxed. “That makes more sense. I’m afraid that will mean Charlie will have to return to you. Nathaniel and Roxy are more likely to get offers from Fiona’s department than yours or Viv’s, so I don’t want to rotate them back to either of you. Hugo’s a good fit for Viv, so passing the parcel with him doesn’t make sense. Viv won’t have Digby back, so I’ll have to trade her Piers.”

“You don’t need to convince me, Merlin. I have Charlie cowed enough that I’m not worried about having him back.”

“Any issues with Piers or Digby -- and I’m really sorry to give you two of that coterie at the same time?”

“Piers is intelligent. He asked a couple of questions about why we organized things the way we did, but they weren’t impertinent. The lad just seemed to be trying to understand the logic.”

“And did he?” Merlin asked.

“Yes.”

“Digby?”

There was a flash of amusement in Myfanwy’s eyes as she took a sip of tea. “He objected to being required to do data entry, so I made him Eggsy’s assistant doing oil and filter changes. I also made it clear to Eggsy that if he dropped a wrench on Digby’s head, everyone in my department would swear it was an accident. He’s a good lad is Eggsy. He just grinned and said he’d win fair and square.”

Merlin said, “Harry played me a recording of Eggsy’s stepfather threatening him with a knife at his throat. A few pranks aren’t going to ruffle his feathers.”

“He came to me, young Eggsy, and made a quiet suggestion for a possible improvement. I think he might be right.”

“Impressive.”

Myfanwy said, “If Fiona’s project doesn’t take the whole month, please rotate him back to me. I’d like to get his full measure.”

“Do you have an idea for an offer?”

“The witches have been talking.”

Merlin waited for her to continue before finally prompting her with, “And?”

“You never designated a second, young Hamish. I know I’m next in line, should something happen, but we both know I’d be an interim at best. Neither Vivienne nor Morgana has worked in either of the other departments, so they’re probably off the table.”

“Eggsy?”

“He’s willing to learn -- from the bottom up, if necessary. Vivienne told me about the suggestions he’s made for the prototype car.”

“Yes, he prevented what could possibly have been a very expensive mistake.” Merlin leaned back in his chair and sipped his tea. “It’s my own policy, and I’ve only honored it in the breach. He’d definitely do well at the training. Eggsy’s already helped Roxy with engines, and he _accepts_ help gracefully as well.”

“Unlike that whelp, Digby. Charlie might be able to improve into a human being, but I fear Digby’s a lost cause.”

“Fiona called it his ‘God thinks he’s me’ attitude.” Merlin was gratified to hear one of Myfanwy’s full throated laughs. 

“She has a real talent for words.”

“Anything else, Myfanwy?”

“Nothing to report. If Digby shows any talent for basic organization, I’ll see about making him an offer in my department -- with the proviso that he be assigned somewhere that he won’t bother anyone but the snakes.”

“I’m certain there’s a small island in the Pacific where we can leave him alone until he improves.”

Myfanwy nodded. “I’ve nothing else. Look you, take care of yourself.”

“I will, Lady.” Merlin stopped her. “I did have one more question, has Eggsy been respectful to everyone, with the seduction unit going on, I mean.”

Myfanwy kept her back turned and smiled to herself. She said, “Young Eggsy’s very thorough in everything, nothing but polite, and seems to be very discreet.”

“Good to hear, Lady.”

The Lady of the Lake walked back to her office. Eggsy was definitely discreet, and so was she.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to FrenchKey for donating and for letting me include this in the Rebuilding the Table Universe.


End file.
